just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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