I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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