Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
