And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
