I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
