She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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