OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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