chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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