i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
