I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
