He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Can you bring me the toilet please
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
