you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
