did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Houston, we have a squirter
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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