How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
she pinky promised me she was 18
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
