I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
