they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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