he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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