If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
