I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
