dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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