She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
