But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
