I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
bring money and cleavage
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
