From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize