I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
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