i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize