The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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