I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
