If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
