:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
