Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
