Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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