Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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