I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
