I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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