it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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