About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
