You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
