.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
