she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
