And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
