Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
