i can't believe i had my finger in that
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
