You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
