SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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