Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
