I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
