Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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