I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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