My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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