So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
