hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
