Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
