Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
