She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
