I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
