New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i would one night stand the shit outta him
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Randomize
