Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
