I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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