I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
