a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
