they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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