I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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