if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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