I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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