That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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