i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
