This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
